Ritika
4 hours ago
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I got restless after reading Deepika’s message on WhatsApp three days ago. Though I was successful in trying to become comfortable from above, but inside I could not be at ease even for a moment.
After eight years, Deepika was to meet me, that too at my house. With curiosity in my mind, I felt that I could not be comfortable. A strange inferiority complex is troubling me inside. How many years did it take me to get rid of this inferiority complex that arose eight years ago? And now this feeling started raising its head again just with the news of meeting Deepika.
I could feel my standing as Deepika sat down on the couch, as well as my hands joined to greet her. May it not take hold of the instability of my mind. I did not want to let any such sentiments appear in front of him, so I started talking on my behalf.
“How are you Deepika?”
“How do you feel?”
I started looking seriously at his face. She was already looking very weak. I was somewhat surprised. The owner of the will, this strong woman should not be weak.
“Are you weak or am I feeling that way?”
“Eight years is not a short time!”
He looked into my eyes, then smiled and laughed.
Oh! So this also remembers the number of years. I probably haven’t completely separated myself from me!
Hearing the tinkling of the tea cups, I had guessed that the wife was preparing tea in the square.
“What have you told Mita about me?”
“She knows, she knows a lot.”
“Can something?”
“I have told whatever was necessary.”
“Even the reason for the breakup of your relationship?”
I was cut off from inside. Where did I break ties? It itself had gone away from me, not gradually but suddenly. Even then it had imposed the entire responsibility of breaking the ties on me. At that time, I did not find it so unbearable to break away from this woman, as much as the breaking of a man inside me.
The matter would have remained only between the two of us, even then it would have been lucky, this breakdown had affected the entire college in many ways. The students who saw me and Deepika envisioning life’s journey together were deeply saddened by the break-up of our relationship.
The long line of trophies placed on the cornice of the Principal Sir’s office was suddenly shaken. We both had the trust and respect of many people in college. Going to twenty seven places this year to win twenty three trophies!
The principal sir called me to his office and asked, “What’s the matter Manu, why did Deepika refuse to participate in the competition with you?”
As long as I could find a suitable answer, it suddenly came out of my mouth, “Exams are on my head, maybe that’s why.”
I myself felt the weakness of my words while answering. Understanding that the principal had also gone, but he became silent with a cold breath.
He explained to me, “Don’t drown your future in the depths of an incident.”
I could not explain my mind to them even after much wanting. Seeing my filled eyes, he patted me on my shoulder and lovingly explained, “Don’t be so weak.”
Even months before we broke up, he cautioned me, “Don’t get attached to that girl so much that breaking up creates an unbearable situation.”
At that time I felt bad for him, but after drinking the bitterness within, all I could ask was, “What do you mean sir?”
“This girl has the hunger to hold a lot in her grasp, all this cannot be possible.”
I understood, NCC Commander, Best Athlete, Football Champion and Best Speaker, despite all this, his hunger was not being satisfied.
Truly that day I had slipped out of her grasp in Madam’s room, suddenly my existence had become like sand. Deepika didn’t even try to hold her fist. I was just allowed to leave.
The next day there was a debate competition in the government college. Madam had invited both of us to the house to listen to the speeches prepared for the debate and to make some amendments in them.
His home was barely ten minutes away from the college. On phone she informed us that she would be able to come only after about two hours. Got busy in some important meeting with the principal.
Those moments had melted so much that they had spread out of our grasp and spread all around us. A wave like the vibrations of mercury, moving through kisses, entered our entire bodies. The whole existence of our bodies kept melting in those moments. A race for men and women to offer themselves, and I suddenly fell behind in that race.
For all that time an invisible fear of madam’s sudden arrival engulfed my mind, and the same fear had settled in my limbs. I could not even develop the courage to look directly at Deepika, encompassing the loose existence that was defeated in that race. His contemptuous eyes brought down the inferiority complex that was born within me somewhere deep within my mind. She left the room without waiting for madam.
“Your old habit of playing with pen is not gone yet?” She smiled and laughed.
I have an old habit. Whenever I feel very broken from inside, I start moving the pen round and round. I don’t know what happened to me! Even acting was not able to look normal in front of this woman.
“The question was probably wrong. There would have been no need to explain the reason for the break-up of the relationship. She is a woman, she must have understood only the honeymoon.
The prick of his voice had bitten me. The ruckus inside was starting to pick up. Instead of this woman, anger began to emerge on the wife.
When Deepika went to see the play directed by her husband, she would return home after watching the play quietly. What was the need to call it home! He sensed my nervousness at that time.
Gently pressing my hand, she said, “Why do you become so weak? At least don’t be in front of that woman.”
Mita’s hand has been my support many times. From day one. Not from the day but from the first night itself. Even in that first night, the inferiority complex sitting in the mind was raising its head. Perhaps long before the wedding, that inferiority complex began to creep into my mind. Mita was silent for a few moments, but she did not allow the silence to last so long that I would choke inside, break and shatter.
Slowly taking my hand in his hand, he asked me, “So what happened then?”
With the innocence of his voice, I mustered courage to say something, but the words were lost somewhere in my mouth, my eyes filled with tears.
While covering my head in her arms, Mita rested her lips on my forehead, “Pagle somewhere, what happened then.”
For so many nights, Mita’s voice became my support. Within a few days, I began to feel that Deepika’s poisonous serpent had been injured inside me, the snake that could only inject venom. Mita herself raised the wall of tolerance that had collapsed within me, lifted me up brick by brick, making me a perfect man, and raised a man who had piled up against her. Like a perfect man.
Mita came into the room with a tray of tea. I stared at his face for a while. In front of her plain make-up, Deepika’s bright make-up faded. Although Mita is not prettier than Deepika, maybe the inner beauty of the wife came in my eyes.
“Why are you two sitting so silent? In this way even two unknown people do not sit.
Deepika smiled softly. I remained silent. Couldn’t put a smile on his face. Mita fixed her gaze on my face, as if saying, “Don’t be so weak, at least not in front of this woman.
When I stole my eyes, Mita sat on the sofa next to me.
“Nowadays do you drink less sugar in tea?” Dipika spoke to break the silence, “During college days, he used to drink very sweet.”
“Still drink a lot, have cast too little because of you.”
Dipika looked shocked first at me, then at Mita, then said, “She seems to have told you about me.”
Mita laughed softly. In front of his innocence, Deepika’s laughter faded again.
“Bring me some more sugar,” I sipped and placed the cup on the table.
Mita slowly picked up the cup and took a sip, then held it in my hand and said, “Look, I put my mouth, the tea got sweeter. Drink now.”
After six-seven years of marriage, such things do not seem natural. Anyway, Mita is not in the habit of saying such childish things. But he did all this to increase my honor.
When I drank Mita’s tea, she looked at me lovingly and said, “Is it ok sweet now?”
“Sweeter than right,” I said, holding Mita in my arms.
Seeing Deepika’s spontaneous face, I started waiting inside for some new attack from her.
“I used to think that you must have become very weak, but the beauty of the face has increased even more than during the college days.”
“Why weak?” Before I could say anything, Mita asked.
“No, just like that! I have heard that in Calcutta, food is not good, etc.
I understand, Deepika is avoiding the matter.
“For those who dine in hotels, this may be okay to some extent,” replied Mita immediately.
Then thinking something, she said, “Health does not depend only on the dosage, if a person is connected from within, its effect is more visible.” There was a sharpness in Mita’s laugh which Deepika could not bear.
“Have you had a baby..?” Deepika deliberately posed this question.
“Yes, Shivam is not five years old, he has gone to school. In appearance and qualities, they have gone completely over them.
This time I looked at Deepika with a sharp eye.
He giggled and turned his face to the other side. Seeing his sad face filled my heart with immense satisfaction.
I have no inferiority complex now. After years I feel lighter today.
– Pushpa Bhatia
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